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Making Good Friends

Looking to build new friendships? These tips can help you lot meet people, start a conversation, and cultivate healthy connections that volition better your life and well-being.

Why are friends and then important?

Our order tends to place an emphasis on romantic relationships. We recall that just finding that right person will brand us happy and fulfilled. But enquiry shows that friends are really even more important to our psychological welfare. Friends bring more happiness into our lives than about annihilation else.

Friendships take a huge impact on your mental health and happiness. Skillful friends save stress, provide comfort and joy, and prevent loneliness and isolation. Developing close friendships can too take a powerful touch on on your physical health. Lack of social connection may pose equally much of a hazard as smoking, drinking too much, or leading a sedentary lifestyle. Friends are even tied to longevity. One Swedish study establish that, forth with concrete activity, maintaining a rich network of friends can add together meaning years to your life.

Merely shut friendships don't just happen. Many of us struggle to run into people and develop quality connections. Any your historic period or circumstances, though, it'southward never also late to make new friends, reconnect with old ones, and greatly improve your social life, emotional health, and overall well-being.

The benefits of friendships

While developing and maintaining friendships takes time and effort, healthy friendships can:

Improve your mood. Spending time with happy and positive friends can elevate your mood and boost your outlook.

Help yous to reach your goals. Whether you lot're trying to get fit, surrender smoking, or otherwise improve your life, encouragement from a friend tin can really boost your willpower and increase your chances of success.

Reduce your stress and depression. Having an active social life can bolster your immune system and help reduce isolation, a major contributing factor to depression.

Support you through tough times. Even if it'due south just having someone to share your problems with, friends tin can help y'all cope with serious illness, the loss of a job or loved one, the breakup of a relationship, or any other challenges in life.

Support you every bit you lot age. As you age, retirement, disease, and the expiry of loved ones can ofttimes leave yous isolated. Knowing there are people y'all can turn to for visitor and support can provide purpose as you lot age and serve as a buffer against depression, inability, hardship and loss.

Heave your cocky-worth. Friendship is a ii-way street, and the "give" side of the word contributes to your own sense of self-worth. Being at that place for your friends makes you feel needed and adds purpose to your life.

Why online friends aren't enough

Technology has shifted the definition of friendship in recent years. With the click of a push button, we can add a friend or make a new connection. But having hundreds of online friends is not the same as having a close friend you tin spend time with in person. Online friends can't hug you when a crisis hits, visit you when you're ill, or celebrate a happy occasion with you lot. Our well-nigh important and powerful connections happen when we're face-to-face. So make it a priority to stay in touch in the real world, not just online.

What to look for in a friend

A friend is someone you trust and with whom you lot share a deep level of understanding and communication. A good friend will:

• Show a 18-carat interest in what'southward going on in your life, what you lot have to say, and how you think and feel.
• Accept you for who yous are.
• Listen to you attentively without judging you, telling yous how to think or feel, or trying to change the subject.
• Feel comfy sharing things about themselves with you.

Every bit friendship works both ways, a friend is also someone yous experience comfortable supporting and accepting, and someone with whom you share a bail of trust and loyalty.

Focus on the way a friendship feels, not what it looks like

The most important quality in a friendship is the style the relationship makes you lot feel—not how it looks on paper, how akin you seem on the surface, or what others recollect. Enquire yourself:

• Do I feel better after spending time with this person?
• Am I myself around this person?
• Do I feel secure, or exercise I feel like I have to spotter what I say and do?
• Is the person supportive and am I treated with respect?
• Is this a person I can trust?

The bottom line: if the friendship feels good, it is good. But if a person tries to control you, criticizes you lot, abuses your generosity, or brings unwanted drama or negative influences into your life, it'southward time to re-evaluate the friendship. A good friend does non require y'all to compromise your values, e'er concur with them, or disregard your ain needs.

Tips for existence more friendly and social (even if you lot're shy)

If you are introverted or shy, it can feel uncomfortable to put yourself out in that location socially. But you don't have to be naturally outgoing or the life of the party to brand new friends.

Focus on others, non yourself. The central to connecting to other people is by showing interest in them. When y'all're truly interested in someone else'southward thoughts, feelings, experiences, and opinions, it shows—and they'll similar y'all for information technology. You lot'll brand far more friends by showing your interest rather than trying to get people interested in y'all. If you're not genuinely curious about the other person, then terminate trying to connect.

[Read: Dealing with Loneliness and Shyness]

Pay attending. Switch off your smartphone, avoid other distractions, and make an attempt to truly listen to the other person. Past paying close attending to what they say, do, and how they interact, you'll quickly get to know them. Minor efforts go a long way, such every bit remembering someone's preferences, the stories they've told you, and what's going on in their life.

Evaluating interest

Friendship takes ii, and then information technology'south important to evaluate whether the other person is looking for new friends.

• Do they ask you questions nearly you, as if they'd similar to go to know you better?
• Practice they tell yous things about themselves across surface small talk?
• Practise they requite you their total attending when you encounter them?
• Does the other person seem interested in exchanging contact information or making specific plans to get together?

If you can't respond "yeah" to these questions, the person may not be the best candidate for friendship at present, even if they genuinely like you lot. There are many possible reasons why non, so don't take it personally!

How to brand new friends: Where to start

We tend to brand friends with people we cross paths with regularly: people we get to school with, work with, or live shut to. The more we see someone, the more than probable a friendship is to develop. So, look at the places you frequent as you start your search for potential friends.

Another large factor in friendship is common interests. Nosotros tend to be drawn to people who are similar, with a shared hobby, cultural background, career path, or kids the same historic period. Think nearly activities you savor or the causes you care about. Where can you lot come across people who share the same interests?

Meeting new people

When looking to come across new people, try to open yourself up to new experiences. Not everything y'all effort will lead to success merely you can ever learn from the experience and hopefully accept some fun.

Volunteering can be a swell way to aid others while also coming together new people. Volunteering also gives you the opportunity to regularly practise and develop your social skills.

[Read: Volunteering and its Surprising Benefits]

Have a class or join a club to encounter people with common interests, such as a volume group, dinner lodge, or sports team. Websites such as Meetup.com can help you find local groups (or start your own) and connect with others who share similar interests.

Connect with your alumni association. Many colleges take alumni associations that meet regularly. Y'all already take the higher feel in mutual; bringing upward erstwhile times makes for an easy conversation starter. Some associations also sponsor customs service events or workshops where y'all can see more people.

Walk a dog. Dog owners ofttimes stop and chat while their dogs sniff or play with each other. If dog ownership isn't right for you, volunteer to walk dogs from a shelter or a local rescue grouping.

Attend art gallery openings, volume readings, lectures, music recitals, or other customs events where you tin can meet people with similar interests. Check with your library or local paper for events about you.

Behave like someone new to the surface area. Even if y'all've lived in the same place all your life, take the time to re-explore your neighborhood attractions. New arrivals to any town or city tend to visit these places first—and they're often dandy to meet new people and establish friendships, too.

Cheer on your team. Going to a bar alone can seem intimidating, simply if you support a sports team, find out where other fans become to picket the games. You automatically have a shared involvement—your squad—which makes it natural to start up a conversation.

Take a moment to unplug

It's difficult to run across new people in any social situation if you're more interested in your telephone than the people around you lot. Remove your headphones and put your smartphone abroad while y'all're in the checkout line or waiting for a bus, for case. Making middle contact and exchanging small talk with strangers is slap-up do for making connections—and you never know where information technology may lead!

Turning acquaintances into friends

We all accept acquaintances in our life—people we exchange pocket-sized talk with as we get about our day or trade jokes or insights with online. While these relationships tin fulfill yous in their own correct, with some effort, you can plough a casual acquaintance into a truthful friend.

The first step is to open up a little about yourself. Friendships are characterized by intimacy. True friends know about each other's values, struggles, goals, and interests. So, try sharing something a little bit more personal than you would normally. You don't have to reveal your almost closely-held secret, just something a petty more revealing than talking about the weather or something you watched on TV and see how the other person responds. Do they seem interested? Do they reciprocate by disclosing something most themselves?

Other tips for strengthening an acquaintance into a friend:

Invite a coincidental acquaintance out for a drink or to a pic. Lots of other people experience just as uncomfortable about reaching out and making new friends as y'all do. Exist the one to break the water ice. Take the starting time step and attain out to a neighbor or work colleague, for example—they volition give thanks yous afterward.

Carpool to work. Many companies offer carpool programs. If your employer doesn't, simply ask a colleague if they'd like to share rides. Spending regular time together is a great manner to go to know others better and offers the opportunity for uninterrupted and deeper chat.

Track downward sometime friends via social media. It's piece of cake to lose track of friends when y'all move or modify jobs, for example. Make the attempt to reconnect and then turn your "online" friends into "real-world" friends past meeting upward for coffee instead of chatting on Facebook or Twitter.

Overcoming obstacles to making friends

Is something stopping you from building the friendships you lot'd like to have? Hither are some mutual obstacles—and how you tin can overcome them.

If you're too busy…

Developing and maintaining friendships takes time and effort, simply even with a packed schedule, you tin can discover means to make the fourth dimension for friends.

Put it on your calendar. Schedule time for your friends just as you would for errands. Make information technology automatic with a weekly or monthly standing date. Or simply make sure that you never leave a get-together without setting the next engagement.

Mix business and pleasure. Figure out a mode to combine your socializing with activities that you accept to do anyway.  These could include going to the gym, getting a pedicure, or shopping. Errands create an opportunity to spend time together while still existence productive.

Group information technology. If you truly don't accept time for multiple ane-on-one sessions with friends, set a group get-together. It's a practiced way to introduce your friends to each other. Of course, you lot'll need to consider if everyone's compatible starting time.

If you're agape of rejection…

Making new friends means putting yourself out in that location, and that tin can be scary. It's especially intimidating if yous're someone who'south been betrayed, traumatized, or abused in the past, or someone with an insecure attachment bond. But by working with the right therapist, y'all can explore ways to build trust in existing and future friendships.

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For more than full general insecurities or a fear of rejection, information technology helps to evaluate your attitude. Do you feel equally if any rejection will haunt you forever or prove that you're unlikeable or destined to be friendless? These fears make it the mode of making satisfying connections and become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Nobody likes to exist rejected, but there are healthy means to handle it:

• Just because someone isn't interested in talking or hanging out doesn't automatically mean they're rejecting you as a person. They may be busy, distracted, or have other things going on.
• If someone does reject you, that doesn't mean that you're worthless or unlovable. Maybe they're having a bad twenty-four hours. Maybe they misread you lot or misinterpreted what y'all said. Or possibly they're just not a nice person!
• You lot're not going to like everyone you lot run across, and vice versa. Like dating, building a solid network of friends can exist a numbers game. If you're in the habit of regularly exchanging a few words with strangers you meet, rejections are less likely to hurt. There's always the adjacent person. Focus on the long-term goal of making quality connections, rather than getting hung up on the ones that didn't pan out.
• Keep rejection in perspective. Information technology never feels skillful, but information technology's rarely as bad as you imagine. Information technology's unlikely that others are sitting around talking about it. Instead of beating yourself up, give yourself credit for trying and run into what you can learn from the experience.

For amend friendships, be a amend friend yourself

Making a new friend is just the beginning of the journey. Friendships accept time to form and fifty-fifty more time to deepen, and then you need to nurture that new connection.

Be the friend that you would like to take. Treat your friend just as you want them to treat you lot. Be reliable, thoughtful, trustworthy, and willing to share yourself and your time.

Be a good listener. Be prepared to listen to and back up friends just as you desire them to listen to and support yous.

Give your friend space. Don't be besides clingy or needy. Everyone needs space to be alone or spend time with other people every bit well.

Don't prepare as well many rules and expectations. Instead, allow your friendship to evolve naturally. You're both unique individuals so your friendship probably won't develop exactly as you expect.

Exist forgiving. No 1 is perfect and every friend volition brand mistakes. No friendship develops smoothly so when there'southward a bump in the road, try to discover a manner to overcome the trouble and move on. It will frequently deepen the bond between yous.

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Source: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/making-good-friends.htm

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